Growing up I learnt at a very early age that masturbation was something only males should partake in. I remember being 13 when the boys in my class would taunt the girls asking if they finger themselves, and acting as if the thought of it was gross, something dirty that made you a social outcast. And as a young woman who started masturbating earlier than most it conjured a lot of guilt and shame within something that should be a freeing experience.
And since then, I’ve always wondered why for boys, masturbation is a pivotal part of growing up, but for girls it’s taboo? Where does this hypocrisy begin?
Let’s start at the roots.
Sex education has been a curriculum in UK schools since the 1930s, when it was introduced into high schools as a biology lesson about the reproductive organs and STDs. In the 1970-1980s contraception education was added into the mix when free contraception became available through the NHS in 1974, and the AIDs epidemic that happened in the mid-80s. It wasn’t until the 1990s when schools began teaching about relationships and the morality of sex, and the subject became less about biology.
Since the dawn of sex education society has related the subject to its primal form, to reproduce. So, children and teenagers for generations have been learning about sex as a baby-making activity with no relation to pleasure. Which means people have learnt more about sex for pleasure with experience and porn than through education, so the idea of sexual pleasure has become a taboo.
What makes it different for women as opposed to men is the misogynistic foundations that our society is built upon. Women are objectified and sexualised, seen as a vessel to bring pleasure to cis men with no regard for the woman’s pleasure. So, it has been instilled in western society for decades that the man’s pleasure is the only one that matters, when they’re done the sex is done.
So, it’s no surprise that when we take a look at masturbation it becomes a bizarre concept that women would partake in such activities because their pleasure is almost non-existent if it doesn’t involve a man.
Blending all this and many more factors such as religion we come to the present day. Where generations of young girls and women have felt shame and guilt towards masturbating, because the ideologies of sex and pleasure has told us its sinful. So young girls grow up feeling that their pleasure is less important than boys.
But like most ideologies that are drenched in misogyny, it’s pure bullshit. Biologically our bodies are made for pleasure. If sex was purely for reproduction and pleasuring the cis man then female bodies wouldn’t have 7 erogenous zones, nor would the clitoris’ glans alone have 8,000 nerve endings.
The taboo around female masturbation is almost solely a westernised concept. If you take a look back throughout non-western history, you’d learn that Cleopatra filled a gourd with bees to create one of the first known vibrators. And in Ancient Greece it was common belief that both men and women had to ejaculate in order to conceive, so women were encouraged to pleasure themselves to help this.
Masturbation is not just a natural part of being a human, it has so many health and wellbeing benefits too. Masturbating can enhance your sex life as you begin to understand your body and your mind and this can help you to have more fulfilling sex with a partner, it can relieve stress, help you sleep, and boost your creativity. It helps your skin, improves your confidence, helps with migraines and can ease menstrual cramps.
So, let’s take a stand and stop shaming people with a vulva for masturbating. Explore a little, buy those sex toys, spend some time with yourself, remove the negativity from your self-loving activities and just enjoy those wonderful orgasms.
This article was written by the lovely Lauren Beesting.
*When we talk about 'the female orgasm' Lauren is talking about society's historical & current view of cis women - not everyone with Vulvas identify as women/females 💜
