When I tell you to picture the best first great kiss you’ve ever had, what comes to mind? (Seriously, close your eyes and really think about it…okay now open your eyes to read the below questions and think some more.)
Where were you?
Who was it with?
How did it make you feel?
What did they taste like?
How long did it last?
Movies and TV shows always treat the first kiss as the ultimate prize -- cue the slow motion sweeping camera with multiple angles, the epic crescendo of violins and piano, and the angsty passion. But…then what? What comes after the first kiss?
Maybe you’re thinking “Duh -- the second kiss.” And so on and so forth. But IMH(umble)O, the focus then typically shifts to the well-known overhyped act: p/v sex (this is changing but still pretty common). But what if, dearest reader, we lingered on kissing for a little while longer. What if we allowed kissing to become what she was always truly meant to be: the main character?
A Note On The Mouth: The mouth is a glorious organ that doesn’t get enough credit. There is an overabundance of nerve endings in the lips, making them one of the most sensitive parts of the body. And the lips, teeth, and tongue work together in tandem; playfully using teeth and tongue while kissing adds a whole new layer to the act.
Feel The Rhythm: Kissing is like a dance -- two people (or more 😏) respond to one another’s rhythms, bodies, flow, and energy. The vibe can change from feisty to soft to hungry to sensual and so many feelings in between and beyond. There is an undeniable chemistry between kissers when you’ve been kissing for minutes but it feels like days.
Take The Elevator, Not The Stairs: In her teachings as a human sexuality psychology professor, Dr. Laurie Mintz uses an incredible metaphor about sex that involves a staircase. She says that in our cis-het-American view of sex, we view kissing as the bottom step, then maybe hand stuff is one step up, oral is another step up from that, and eventually at the top of the staircase is the ultimate act of p/v sex. She encourages people to take turns and to champion pleasure and mutual respect rather than one kind of (straight) sexual act that gets cis-men off more than cis-women (known as the orgasm gap).
What would happen if the next time you kissed someone, you slowed w a y d o w n? What if you paid attention to the rhythm of their desire? What if you recognized how their kiss made your body react -- how warm they made you? What if you allowed kissing to be the main course?
